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Win Or Lose, Be a Good Sport
You left work late and now you’re running across town to get your son to football practice on time. You swear under your breath, hoping to catch a lucky break and make up for much needed time, but you catch every red light. A few days later, while shopping for a particular brand of sneakers for your daughter, you learn that the store you just passed across town just sold the shoe in her size. You end the day by lamenting your bad luck to your family over dinner. Sound familiar?
Believe it or not, our children engage in this kind of behavior and often interpret it as a need for things to always go your way. Seeing parents reacting negatively to a somewhat trivial situation – like everyday traffic – can lead to children who react the same way losing – whether it’s on a playground or a simple board game.
I recently came across an article on “Sore Losers” which included valuable information from family psychologist Lawrence Kutner. According to Kutner, parents who never admit their own mistakes run the risk of having children who feel pressured to meet unrealistic expectations. You may be inadvertently sending the following message: “Our family must always succeed”. Young children end up blowing minor events – like losing a match – out of proportion while older children who are big losers worry about what other people think of them if they don’t win. which creates a self-esteem problem.
According to Kutner, any parent can cultivate the art of losing gracefully by avoiding the following behavior:
o Let your child win all the time. Allowing him to lose on occasion will teach him to set realistic expectations and master graceful defeat in the outside world.
o Celebrate their victories in a big way. A well-meaning celebration sends an otherwise negative message. That is, you value winning more than effort. Compliment her energy and improvement as well.
o Let him give up. Push him to keep going even if he fails once, twice or more. Why? You want to teach him about perseverance and that the journey is more important than the destination.
One of the main reasons i9 Sports has become so popular with parents is because they are the “kinder, softer side of youth athletics”, which means less of a win-at-all-costs mentality, more pleasure. Coaches teach the fundamentals of the sport as well as the basics of good sportsmanship AND healthy competition. The scores are kept and announced at the end of a game, thus promoting the art of losing well and/or winning well.
Whether your children are competing in art, sports, or academics, what are you doing to help them lose gracefully? As parents, we welcome your ideas.
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