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Your Bad Olympic Experience
Watching the Winter Olympics from Turin is not so glorious. Take curling for example. Take him and send him back to Scotland. Throw it in the loch.
At least there shouldn’t be any men’s teams in curling. The USA men’s team is so lousy that a player just curled a stone that didn’t cross the red line and was disallowed. The previous shot was 10 yards in front of the center of the target. I haven’t seen a single woman make such rotten shots. Leave the game to the checkers and leave it out of the Olympics.
OK, I’m sorry I hurt your feelings. Leave it in. Show it on TV at 1:00 in the morning
Ice dancing is not a sport. Just because a bunch of finalists fell on their padukas doesn’t mean it’s that way. Side bloody stories don’t make ice dancing interesting. I’ll say this for ice dancing, it’s better than celebrity ballroom dancing, which stinks.
OK, I’m sorry I hurt your feelings. Let the ice dance. Show it on TV at 3:00 in the morning
Doing complex ski jumps in the fog at night seems silly to my wife. She said, “They could be killed.” I tell him that the cameras are far away so they mostly see fog and that the skiers can see quite well under the wonderful lights. (Anyway, that’s what one of the announcers said.) My wife said, “If that’s the case, why are they throwing pine needles on the ramp so the skiers can see the ground?
Shit, that was a hard landing. If not for the fog, I could have seen it. I’m really glad the skiers can see even though I can’t.
Show complex skiing and ski jumping only on sunny days.
One thing I don’t like about the Olympics is that they only give out three medals for one event. The reason they have a plethora of events is that they can give out more of those three medals. If you don’t win race “A”, maybe you can win race “B”, “C”, “D”, …, “Z”.
I say give more medals in each race as follows:
Gold: for the winner.
Money: For the one who skipped breakfast.
Bronze: For those who were sick overnight or in the hospital before the race.
Iron: For the one who said he was going to take it all but didn’t.
Copper: For whoever skipped practice last week.
Aluminum: For the girl who slipped and broke her knee or the guy who missed his toboggan jump.
Puter: For the guy or girl who came in last because of flabby muscles but tried hard.
Mercury (This metal is in a plastic ring because it’s a liquid at normal temperatures.): For the guy who cheated and got banned from the Olympics.
Titanium: For the girl that male viewers thought was “very hot” or the guy that female viewers thought had “pretty buns”.
Uranium: For the guy or girl who passed out just before the finish line.
The Olympic Committee will have to build a large medal display stand for Montreal.
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