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When Will I See You Again?
Many people frequently express their distress at not being able to see close family and friends during the global pandemic and, indeed, this lack of contact has caused severe emotional and mental hardship for many people. Students unable to return home to visit family, grandparents unable to see their newborn grandchildren are just two examples of the overwhelming sense of loss being endured at this time.
And there are other relationships that suffer as well, which have a more subtle but significant impact due to the resulting feelings of loneliness and separation. When we are only occasionally “allowed” to go out and then have to keep our distance and not engage with others, it means we lose the more casual, yet important, everyday relationships that reinforce our meaning. of community and belonging.
I remember a restaurant my parents frequented regularly. Dominic ran the bar and whenever he saw my parents arriving he immediately poured their drinks and waited for them. My parents loved this special treatment and the fact that he noticed and remembered them. Her attention made them feel valued and important. This relationship was an important part of the restaurant experience.
We all have similar scenarios. The café or the sandwich shop where they know our order, the shops and service providers where they remember the little details and treat us well. I remember how I smiled when my regular supermarket cashier expressed surprise when there were no flowers in the shopping this week! Being acknowledged and recognized strengthens our connections with others, making us feel noticed, valued, and less alone. It doesn’t matter that these people aren’t friends and we barely know their names. These relationships fall into a very different, but important category.
Then there are those people we know well enough to share a few words with, a friend of a friend, a relative from school, someone we see passing by at work or recognize from the gym. We would have usually stopped by, said ‘hello’, asked how they were doing, asked after their vacation. Again, those sweet relationships are gone and we’re on our own, going out quickly to pick up our weekly groceries or order coffee to go, if we still leave the house to do those errands.
What about arena events, big concerts and sporting fixtures, networking expos where hundreds or even thousands of people gather in shared collective enthusiasm, all cheering on their teams, singing the lyrics and dance to their favorite songs, meet and exchange potential business contacts. Again, this shared connection unites us with strangers who have similar interests. We can smile at each other, dance together, share anecdotes, stories and memories for a while. Connecting with others lifts our spirits. We have been part of this club for a while, and it feels good, adding to the quality and satisfaction of the overall experience.
Children also learn relationships from face-to-face contact. Running towards a group of children who are playing, learning to share, take turns, losing, not being chosen are all ways for children to hone their abilities to communicate, to adapt to body language, to discover what what works and what doesn’t.
Yet today many of our friendly exchanges have been suspended indefinitely, to be replaced by the delivery driver who now calls regularly, the take-out restaurant who knows your name and your usual order, the pre-meeting organized zoom. Many of these transactions are now done virtually, with orders left at the door and little human contact.
New friendships have been made during confinement. Many people started doing their daily exercise at the same time, perhaps by walking, running or biking. Meeting the same people can mean a nod and a polite greeting gradually evolve into a smile and maybe a few words of conversation, but these exchanges are often done cautiously, from a distance. We may know very little about who we meet, but the feeling of having common interests in walking or nature creates a special bond and ensures friendly recognition when we meet.
We may not have realized until now that a diversity of relationships is important in life. Not everyone we come into contact with has to be extremely relevant in every area of our lives. Many are more whimsical, lighthearted connections specific to certain interests and activities, but all of them add sunshine and a sense of place nonetheless. A smile, a nod, a few words here or there; losing that is a blow to all of us. Hopefully we’ll see them again before too long.
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