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Is Your Child a Sex Offender’s Target?-Learn Their Ruse

Sex offenders come from all walks of life, all ages and all socio-economic statuses. They can be men or women, rich or poor, employed or unemployed, religious, atheists or agnostics, doctors, lawyers, judges, policemen, educated or not and of any race.

o The perpetrator is known to the survivor in over 85% of child sexual abuse crimes: parent, grandparent, uncle, aunt, cousin, sibling, friend, guardian, coach, teacher, neighbor or relative of a playmate/friend.

o Strangers can be ‘good guys’ or ‘bad guys’. (including women) People known to you or your children can be “good guys” or “bad guys”. (including women).

o We do children a huge disservice when we teach Stranger Danger and leave it at that. According to government statistics, less than 1% of all sexually abused children are abused by a stranger.

o Sixty-seven percent of adults convicted of criminal sex crimes in fiscal year 1995 had no prior criminal record.

Many pedophiles seek out single mothers or uninvolved parents in order to victimize their children. For example: An article from Sports Illustrated, September 3, 1999 issue, “Who is Coaching Your Kids?” about coaches sexually abusing the boys on the team they coach. On Thursday, October 21, 1999, Dateline re-aired a report about coaches sexually abusing children. On Friday, November 5, 1999, 20/20 aired a sexual abuse case from a small town involving a boy scout leader, who sexually abused several boys for over a year. A coach in these cases said he looked for single-parent families or families where the parents were often absent from practices or games. “These kids are attention-hungry and I give them the attention they need. I’ve taken them out for ice cream after a game or races. It’s amazing how rarely parents have questioned my motivations. If they do, I have a tailored explanation, which never fails to allay their suspicions.”

Other examples: The school teacher, who frequently stays after school to help a child with learning difficulties; a parent who is absent from work to accompany students on field trips; the grandparent who hands out gifts when he takes the child on a fun outing, the neighbor who seems genuinely interested in your child.

I am not saying that anyone who extends to children is a sex offender. However, insidiously, the authors demonstrate fair, moral and exemplary behavior to develop their credibility and establish proof of their love of children; these actions thus thwart any suspicion of wrongdoing.

Montel Williams on his November 11, 1999 show exclaimed in exasperation “Why can’t we do something about this?” as he uncovered the details of a ten-year-old pregnant girl, who had been repeatedly raped by the eighteen-year-old son of her mother’s boyfriend. While this story may seem unusual and/or fodder for a dramatic Montel Williams show, it is unfortunately all too common.

Grooming

Most sex offenders “treat” their victims prior to any sexual abuse for months or even years. After gaining the trust of the parents, the offender offers to babysit the child or provide him with fun activities. During this time, he proceeds to groom the child. The abuser is aware that the child must be controlled to the extent that he can sexually abuse the child without fear of revealing it to another adult. This manipulation can be obtained in several ways: favours, threats, guilt, etc.

A mum has revealed her husband was playing a tickle game with their three-year-old son. The rules of the game were such that it was fun – the son was instructed to tickle his dad’s nipples as he sat astride his dad’s naked body from the waist down. The object of this game was, ‘Make dad laugh.’ Of course, the father could refrain from laughing until he felt the sexual stimulation he desired. When the mother objected to this game, the father scolded her for being jealous of the time he was spending with their son.

Another mother was horrified when her three-year-old daughter asked her to play the pee game. She asked her daughter to explain this game to her. Her daughter lay on the floor with her legs apart and said, “Touch my ‘pee’, mommy, that’s what daddy does.”

Why the Sex Offender Trick Most Often Works…

Sex offenders rely on society’s misconceptions about their well-honed cunning.

As a society, we vehemently condemn foreign child sex offenders, but when someone we know is suspected or accused, many people take sides, often refusing to believe that a “pillar of the community” can commit this type of crime. The true seducer-type pedophile is extremely good at what he does. He puts himself in a position in his family or community where he has easy access to children. He will often work hard (sometimes for years) to earn the trust of his family or community members. If an allegation is made against that person by a child, it is often too emotionally difficult for families who love and trust that family member or who have trusted and allowed the accused to believe they might commit such an act against a child. Michael Jackson is a prime example of society’s refusal to recognize his error in judgment. The betrayal is too great and many families will not only deny this possibility, but will blame and defame the child who makes the allegation. That’s what the offender is counting on. Families deceived by cunning predators could never have imagined the degree of betrayal possible and how far a predator would go to abuse a child.

Appropriate suspicion is the answer. See my article, Protect Your Child From Sex Offenders – Practice Appropriate Suspicion

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